Ghanaian counselor, Counsel or Frank Edem Adofoli has advised people against making their marriages a community project.
By community project, he meant that people should not date or get married based on others’ opinions or descriptions.
He gave this advice in a recent post he made on his official social media handle on the popular social media platform, Facebook.
The post he made reads;
“YOUR MARRIAGE IS NOT A COMMUNITY PROJECT
Written by Counselor Adofoli
Relationship or marriage has always been the business of mature people, but unfortunately we have lots of boys and girls in relationships. A mature man or woman knows what they want because they know themselves very well and their needs. They also understand every individual is different, likewise their needs and wants when it comes to marriage.
They don’t date or get married based on others’ opinions or description. They go into relationships because they are ready and prepared. They also understand love in relationship is not magic but it needs to be built.
They understand their relationship does not need to be like that of everyone’s own and for that matter it does not need to make sense to anyone. Because of that they don’t go around seeking for people’s opinions of their relationship or partner.
They don’t put their partners out there for public discussions and reviews; not even with their family and friends. When their partner does things or shows behaviour they are not happy about, their first point of contact is their partner and not the public or others.
They don’t put out their relationship on social media for discussion or subject them to media discourse. They respect their relationship and if they find out it’s not going the way they want and have to leave, they do that in a matured manner.
If their partner ever opens up to them about their past, it is not for them to feel uncomfortable about them but they do so because they trust and love them. They don’t open up for them to feel sorry for them or be sympathetic, even if the story is a very sad one. They do that because they want their partner to understand their journey, know where they are now and where they are coming from.
It is rather unfortunate that some people will go out and discuss their partner’s past with others, solicit opinion from them as if they didn’t know what they wanted before they came into the relationship. It is better to seek wise counsel from a professional than putting out your partner for discussion amongst your peers, family etc.
When you do that, you make your friends look down on your partner; or expose your partner to disrespect from others. Every person is a work in progress, if you didn’t like your partner at the beginning of the relationship, yet you made him or her a community project for everyone to contribute to, what will you do when you find out they have changed, or you have fallen in love with them and don’t want to lose them, but you have already exposed them to the public?
Lots of partners have their family and friends kicking against the one they want to marry because of what they said about them to their friends and family. Although the partner has changed, their family and friends don’t believe it and think they are about to commit a terrible error.
All of us have a past, shortfalls and things we are not proud of, and it is so with your partner. As much as you will want to cover up your own past, short falls, weakness from the public whilst you work on them in silence, do same with your partner. If you don’t want them, let them go.
In conclusion, “The man and the woman were both naked, but they were not embarrassed” – Genesis 2:25 (GNT).”