“I Wish I Had Someone!”: How Your Longing For Love Makes You Desperate

On a rainy Saturday night, a young woman sits alone in her bedroom, on the cold, bare floor, with her back to the wall, hugging her knees to her chest.

“I wish I had someone!” she lashes out at no one in particular, staring at Instagram posts of couples on her phone through eyes filled with tears.

This is the usual pattern of a woman in her late twenties, who longs for love and attention.

Craving love, intimacy and a bond with someone is perfectly normal. We all want to be loved, cherished and considered special. We want to share the most beautiful memories with someone we love. So, yes, it is okay to long for love.

However, when that longing becomes the focus of your existence, it turns to desperation, which is worrisome. Here are signs that you are desperate in your longing for love.

1. You are codependent

Your emotional, physical and psychological dependence on some other person could be a sign of desperation. Paying too much attention to the needs of others to the detriment of your needs could also mean that you are desperate to be with someone. You always do this, hoping that your relationship will last long and you wouldn’t be left all alone. Of course, having your partner depend on you is not bad, but when you neglect your needs for your partner’s, there might be a problem.

2. You always settle for less

Because you are desperate to be in a relationship, you are prepared to be with anybody that as much as looks your way. You settle for less and end up with the wrong person. You are not willing to wait for the right person to come along. Being in a relationship is all that matters to you. You do not care much for anything else, and reducing your standards seems like a small price to pay for a relationship. You ignore the fact that the traits of your partner leave much to be desired.

3. You are constantly looking for fulfilment in relationships

Yes, relationships could be fulfilling when you are with the right person and with someone you love. But there should be more fulfilling things in your life than a romantic relationship. Your happiness, fulfilment and self-worth should not be tied to a relationship. If you are constantly looking for fulfilment in relationships, you are probably desperate for love. Since fulfilment can be found in your relationship with God, family and friends, in your career and passion, you should learn to pay attention to other aspects of your life besides a romantic relationship.